Well I cannot believe tomorrow is November! I’m already feeling that “end of year fatigue” that I think is quite common this time of year.
It’s been a stressful year for me. At the beginning of the year I was so amped because everything in my life seemed to be on track for a change! I had finalized my divorce after a very long and difficult 14 months of separation. I finally moved into a beautiful family HOUSE – not a flat, house – and 2012 was looking so good!
Then things started coming apart at the seams… work got very stressful, and I eventually got retrenched. That freaked me out more than I ever thought it would. So much so that even after being incredibly lucky and offered new employment within a month, I still somehow managed to get “diagnosed” with depression and prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping tablets… this really affected my waking hours (felt so spaced out) that the first 2 months of my new job are actually a major blur!! Whoa!!! How the hell did that happen?
It’s taken me pretty much up to now to start feeling some kind of positive about life again – and on some days I’m really excited about the potential I have with my job, but some days I think that I can’t do this. It’s frustrating because I still feel like I’m going up and down all the time and can’t seem to make up my mind whether I’m actually happy or not. I’m not taking the meds because I hate the way they make me feel. But maybe with the up and down I should chat about other options?
And now I’m tired and in the middle of trying to find a new home from 1 December. Looking for a suitable place is time consuming and exhausting. I found a gorgeous, huge house yesterday which I’ve applied for to share with my cousin, but we’re still a bit short on the required income so we may need a 3rd applicant on the lease. We’re chatting to my other cousin about it tonight but I think that we’ll probably lose out to someone else by tomorrow!
I have applied all over for places and waiting to hear back really freaks me out. I just want to find a place where I can feel comfortable and be happy – and preferably have all my animals with me! I think once this uncertainty of where I’ll be in 5 weeks time goes away I will feel like I can breathe again.
Honestly, 2012 can’t end soon enough for me. I want to go into 2013 with a clear mind, and a fresh new focus.
And I think 2013 will bring a new tattoo – I’m thinking of having the words “Gratitude & Patience” tattooed down my left side (under the arm, in line with my heart). Gratitude – to remind me to be thankful for all that I have, family, friends, love. Patience to remind myself that I have the strength to endure – to not worry about what I can’t control. Patience with myself and the ones I love most.